Can my pregnant friend......

Can my pregnant friend p*ss in your helmet?

Yes of course she can, however we’re in a town centre so once she’s finished I will nick her for exposure and criminal damage.

I’m not overly keen on the helmets we have to wear when working nights in the town centre however I do not want it full of urine from a pregnant (or otherwise) female.

Every time I work the town centre I get asked this question but the niggling question always remains in my mind:

“WHY WHEN YOU ARE HEAVILY PREGNANT ARE YOU TWO SHEETS TO THE WIND IN THE TOWN CENTRE YOU IRRESPONBILE CRETIN”

I remember before I joined the job I watched every police program going

That changes…quickly. Probably about 15 minutes into my first such shift to be precise when a 45 year old ex squaddie decided to start fighting with me, my colleague and three bouncers whilst clearly under the influence of his little friend ‘cocaine’.

We won the fight but he got hurt, we got hurt, one of the bouncers got hurt and the police car we threw him in the back of got hurt after he got so worked up he lost control of his bowels.

See this is what annoys me about the town centre. People get drunk (me included when I’m there for pleasure and not work) but some will not listen to reason. We have Section 27 notices which direct individuals to leave a locality because we feel they will go on to cause or provoke alcohol fuelled violence or disorder. Note to the government and the judicial system, the only purpose they serve is that of filling up our cells. I have issued numerous such notices and I can count on one hand those who have taken heed of the warning and buggered off home.

We all get drunk, sometimes we get far too drunk, but can we stop using this as an excuse to act up! People need to start taking responsibility for themselves and if you can’t drink without getting involved in fights, don’t come out or drink water.(@dangermousette will tell you I still do) and I remember seeing the all action (heavily edited) ‘highlights’ of town centre public order shifts and I couldn’t wait to get involved in some of that.

An Introduction to PC Dangermouse

So here it is, my blog, my opportunity to rant in more depth than the limited characters twitter offers me.
I wont pretend to be the world’s greatest intellect so if you’re after something profound and meaningful probably best to go elsewhere.


I am a response cop with a medium sized force and have been for the best part of three years. I’m not the most experienced cop but I’ve seen enough to provide a few interesting stories and give me plenty to rant about. I do love a rant and can often be found on my soap box.


I wont deny it there are parts of the job that drive me mad and I will on occasion harp on about them but keeping with the honesty, no matter what I find to moan about, this is the best job in the world. I get to do things no other job could offer me and meet people that I would not meet in any other walk of life.


The best bit of the job is, and always has been the people, the people you work with especially but also the people we encounter. I don’t just mean the victims, some of the most likeable characters I’ve ever met are folk I’ve had to put in a cell for the night, that’s just the job I guess.


I will try and post something at least once a week but if you follow me on twitter @pcdangermouse you’ll know I do go missing from time to time when work and life gets in the way so bear with me.
Anyhow I’m off for now but I may just pop a short story up soon.